It doesn’t help that neither of us has been in a relationship before, so we both feel a little in the dark on how to navigate this. The issue is that we’ve both become so accustomed to the late-night sexting-and-hookup routine that going on dates seems awkward and forced. My FWB partner and I have recently decided to move from being FWB to actually dating. I’m a 25-year-old heterosexual female, and I’ve been in a long-term friends-with-benefits relationship for a little more than four years. Does he ultimately intend to stay with you? Or would he ultimately prefer to be with someone else? If he wants to stay with you-and he’s likelier to wanna stay if being with you doesn’t mean he never gets to have sex with a woman ever again-then you’ll have to trust that your same-sex relationship is strong enough to withstand a little opposite-sex hooking up. The “ultimate intention” of whatever woman your boyfriend fucks should concern you less than your boyfriend’s ultimate intention. You’ll just have to trust your gift-to-the-world boyfriend to do the same with women: fuck a woman now and then but come home to you after. Gay and bi men are just as interested in having partners who are perfect in every facet of life, JAGG, and yet you trust your boyfriend to fuck other guys and come home to you. We are deeply in love, but I’m afraid of a woman’s ultimate intention for a guy like my partner. A perfect person and a gift to the world, so any woman would be crazy not to want him for herself. He is perfect in every facet of his life. He has integrity, and he says he would never cheat on me, but he’s getting to the point where he is gonna hook up with women, whether I am okay with it or not. Oh god, Dan! Help! How do I get over my jealousy over my bisexual boyfriend, who now wants to act on his urges for women? We’ve been together and had a happy gay life for 15 years, open with men for only three of those years. The fact that masturbating less cut his jackhammering down from hours to half an hour is a positive sign. But the only way to find out if your boyfriend’s dick can be retrained is to try and retrain it. Other people really do require intense stimulation-jackhammers and death grips and powerful vibrators-to get off, and they have to figure out how to incorporate that intense stimulation into partnered sex without destroying their partners’ orifices. Some guys can retrain their dicks-and some women can retrain their pussies-but some people have carved too deep a groove into themselves and their junk. Eventually his dick, in desperation, will adjust to newer, subtler sensations, and he’ll be able to get off without jackhammering. But he is not allowed to revert to jackhammering away at your pussy or his fist if he doesn’t get off. Here’s how you retrain his dick: your boyfriend stops doing what he’s always done-no more masturbating or fucking in the style to which his dick has become accustomed-but he keeps on having sex and he keeps on masturbating. > Hoping A Massive Masturbator Eventually Retrains Exacting Dick Can you recommend anything that would help him? Since I know firsthand this can be overcome and I accommodate him as much as possible, I think I’m being reasonable, but I’m sure you’ll tell me if I’m not. For what it’s worth, about half the time he just lets me come buckets and then gives up on himself. We’ve talked about it, and he says he’ll masturbate less, and that does help (read: now it’s a half-hour of jackhammering instead of hours), but I’m still eager for more variety-and to be able to walk after sex and ride a bike the next day. It hurts, it’s super boring, and it makes me feel like I might as well be an inflatable doll. I’m starting to get annoyed that he isn’t working harder to overcome this jackhammering reliance. It wasn’t easy, but I am so happy with this versatility. A few years before I met him, I toned down the masturbating to retrain my brain and pussy and tried a bunch of new things, and I can now come from different acts and positions. He can only come from masturbating furiously, or sometimes from a marathon of jackhammer sex. My boyfriend and I both spent a lot of time masturbating when we were young, and pretty much trained our brains to come only one way.
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